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    Discussion in 'The Leisure Lounge' started by Oilytrunk, Jul 30, 2018.

    1. Oilytrunk

      Oilytrunk Member

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      My husband's work as a Mechanical Engineer is consuming all of his time. Once at home, he still chooses to continue sketching his design ideas, as compared to spending his time with me and his children. Is this really normal in this line of work, or do I have to take the necessary steps to salvage his relationship with our family? Please help me understand. Thank you!
       
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    3. toastcharm

      toastcharm Member

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      If you feel that he does not have time for you, talk to him and let him know (in a nice way). Honesty, understanding and communication is important in every relationship.
       
    4. Oilytrunk

      Oilytrunk Member

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      Hey @toastcharm! Thank you for your advice. I actually opened up to him last night and he told me that he understands my concern. However, it was really tough for him to open up to me about his feelings or any challenges he is facing. I recommended for us to try Regain to have a professional help us develop our communication skills in a healthy way and also serve as a mediator. He is still thinking about it. But I think that he will be open to trying it.
       
    5. MSHOfficial

      MSHOfficial Well-Known Member EngineeringClicks Expert

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      This is a serious problem with workers these days. Yes, mechanical engineering jobs do require an extensive work hour, but doing work when you are at home is a personal choice. If some one is that interested in engineering, I would value that but giving all your time to it and breaking up your work life balance, unuh not good.

      So you should tell your husband about the problem and suggest that if the manager is making him overwork, he should probably change his job. But if its his personal choice, and its just him that loves to work all the time, then you don’t have anything that you can do about it.

      All you can do at that point is try to explain to him how he is missing out on life while he is giving his family hours to his job. I am sure he will be compassionate about spending time with you. I have seen previously, people who chose to work even when they were home, got themselves sick. They get high blood pressure usually and if he is a workaholic then it would take some time and slowly you can get his family hours back.

      All the best
       
    6. GoodCat

      GoodCat Well-Known Member EngineeringClicks Expert

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      Yes it's ok for us

      I Aerospace, Mechanical Engineering and I work 60-65 hours a week.
      I often work at home because I don’t have enough time.
      I don’t know about your husband, but I do it for good money, this is serious money that can be spent on really important goals for you.

      Think about it,
      What does his work give you two?
      What will you have if it will work less?

      If you consider that this is enough then you should discuss the balance of his life)
      My wife is also very dissatisfied with the fact that I work a lot, but her opinion changes dramatically to the opposite when we buy her a car or go to rest in a good place, she loves when I give her jewelry. If I do not work a lot from some of these things, she will have to forget). Unfortunately, in our life, nothing comes out just so that you have to make some efforts.
       
    7. Dedeech

      Dedeech Member EngineeringClicks Expert

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      Unfortunately, that is a common issue with engineers. I also found myself in such this situation. The job was consuming all my time and energy. I worked overtime, and when I come home I would either continue working or go to a bed. The only time I was spending with my wife was during dinner. Even then I was absent, and thinking of the job.

      But I was aware of all these things and trying to find a way to get rid of it. I really had a lot of duties then, it happens when managers see you are able and willing to do a lot of things. Of course, that brought some financial benefits, but haven't improved the quality of my life.

      Eventually, I decided to quit. But they knew my value and we had a serious discussion about my situation. Nowadays, everything is perfect, I don't work overtime, I don't work from the home, I don't feel any pressure on the work. I would say, I am harvesting the crops I seed then :)
       
      Last edited: Dec 17, 2018
    8. MSHOfficial

      MSHOfficial Well-Known Member EngineeringClicks Expert

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      Also another thing about working as a freelancer is that, since you get to work from home whenever you want. I always end up just sitting and doing work. And I just cant stop thinking about the projects and all the work that I have to finish. I guess this is not healthy, but I don’t have a family with me here. So there is absolutely no one to stop me from doing this. What’s worse is when I will have a wife I will still be doing this because by then I will be into this workaholic life.

      I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I see my friends who work in managerial positions, they never do extra work at home, they do overtime for an hour or so everyday but not like the whole weekend and evenings. I wonder if its about the position they work in or is it their personality. They can just shut out work when they are done with the office hours.
       
    9. john12

      john12 Well-Known Member EngineeringClicks Expert

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      Hey Oilytrunk,

      One of the most important things is that now you're talking about it. Do you know anyone who has used that Regain service before (just curious as I've never heard of it before)?

      I think it's too easy to take work home these days, and especially if you have really pressing deadlines (or a particularly interesting job).

      In general I think it's a shame to sacrifice your time with your partner and family. I'd personally feel really unhappy if I had to spend all my time to make money to buy my partner gifts but thankfully she doesn't expect that from me (although she does love jewellery!).

      MSH - I feel the same sometimes, especially if my partner is away from home. I basically feel like my life is, "Get up, walk about ten steps to another room, work all day, sleep, repeat", but actually when my partner is around it's much easier to break it up into a normal life.

      Also, as a freelancer you typically have multiple clients and I don't like leaving anyone waiting for me, so it's easy to end up drowning in multiple projects.

      Sometimes you just have to actively slow things down. Sure, you'll be a little poorer that month but it really helps out my mental state.
       
    10. GoodCat

      GoodCat Well-Known Member EngineeringClicks Expert

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      I use a simple method, I set a certain level for 1 quarter.
      For example:
      I want 10000$ for this I need to do a certain job. I can work 60 hours a week for the first month and then afford a rest for a week or 2 and then work again =)
      The main problem with this method is that it is very difficult to force yourself to do something after a week’s rest.
      People is by nature a very lazy animal =)
      Laziness is the main engine of technical progress, if a people was not lazy we would not have created so many different devices and machines, but it’s also very difficult to overcome laziness if you succumb to it)
      My wife constantly expresses her dissatisfaction with the fact that I work at home. I'm leaving to work in the garage =).
      In the garage, the work goes much faster, probably due to the fact that no one interferes with me there, as well as the smell of engine oil and gasoline creates a favorable atmosphere.
      If I get tired of working, I just sit down on my VX800, I'm going to the mall parking and 20 minutes do motorcycle gymkhana in the parking lot of the shopping center and I’m ready to work long hours =)
       
    11. john12

      john12 Well-Known Member EngineeringClicks Expert

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      Hahaha, motorcycle gymkhana, I love that. Usually I just go for a walk :)

      Getting out and resetting with a break is really important though (to me anyway).
       

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